eBay you suck balls.

Todays rant is at eBay.

Sometime about a month ago someone signed up to ebay but entered MY email address, the email address I've had since 1995.  I get a standard automated "Please activate your address" email.  I checked the email for links that say "Not your account?", or "Stop recieving emails from this account"... but nope, apparently you can't opt out once you (or anyone else) has entered your email address.  so I ignored the email assuming that it would just go away.

It didn't.

I got a handful more, reminding, begging me to activate my email address and the final one tipped me over the edge last week, and there was a convienient "Click here to chat to a representative LIVE", so I did.  But that didn't do too well...

eBay: How can I help?
Me: Someone signed up using my email address and I keep getting emails from you.
eBay: Sorry to hear that, can I have your name?
Me: Iain Doe
eBay: I'm unable to verify that name
Me: Why do you need to verify it, thats my name!
eBay: Ok, can I have your address?
Me: Why do you need my address? I just want you to stop emailing me.
eBay: I need to verify the account
Me: I dont have an account, someone else does, but using my email address
eBay: How do you know this is the case?
Me: Because I've received a email asking me to activate my account, but I didn't sign up.
eBay: Ok, please can you send the email to spoof@ebay.com
Me: Its not a spoof, its a genuine email, but it was intended for the owner of the account.
eBay: Ok, so someone has access to your account?
Me; No, Its not My account, its my email address.   Look... my email address is..... <blah>   the account <blah2> isn't anything to do with me.
eBay: Ok I think i understand, but I need to transfer  you to a different department.
Me: Ok
eBay New Dept: Hi, so that I understand this correctly, you think someone else has access to your account?
Me: No. . o ( Here we go again )
---------8<------------- This went on like this for a while ----------8<-------------
eBay: Click here (link) and send an email, they will be able to sort it out.

So I think thats great, sorted... done... I get an email today telling me that they couldn't verify my account so I'll have to go to live chat to give them more information.  I click the link to be presented with a username / password / phone / address login page... which of course i dont have any of that info BECAUSE ITS NOT MY ACCOUNT!

Ok back on live chat (followed the link from the activation email)

eBay: Hi how are you today?
Me:  good thanks
eBay: Could I have your name please?
Me: Its Iain
eBay: Hi Lain thanks for contacting eBay.   LAIN??? LAIN WHERE?? that is NOT a good start! 
Me: ~explained whole thing over~
eBay: Ok, could you visit this page and send an email, we have a department for this type of issue.
Me: Ok, clicked that, but its asking me to login
eBay: Ok sir, if you could just login for me and send the email.
Me: I dont have the account details, its not my account.
eBay: Oh, ok sir, I'm goign to have to transfer you to security.
Me: ~ explaind again for the 8th time today ~ 
eBay: Ok, you're going to have to send an email.
Me: I've done that already, the reply told me to come back here.
eBay: Unfortunatly the only way to fix this is to email the xyz department.
Me: Ok, fine...
eBay: Thank you for contacting eBay, have a nice day Lain. RRAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH (DRIBBLE)
 

UPDATE: Latest email from eWank.

Dear Jaeden,
Thank you for writing eBay in regard to the closure of your account.I'm very sorry you've decided to close your eBay account.

To have your request processed as quickly as possible, please go to:
http://pages.ebay.com/help/account/closing-account.html

Follow the directions you'll find there. Thank you for your time.

needless to say, i need to login to "close my account"